Jacques Volschenk

Just Say It! (Haai ngeko – Nee – No)

2012-02-06T07:59:00.002+02:00

One of the ways that people get themselves into BIG trouble is that they commit to too many things. You want me to tell you how? Wait for it: NO. They simply fail to say: “NO”. (Haai ngeko – Nee)

“No” is such a simple word yet saying it out loud is harder for most people than saying: “I'll be glad to”.

You said: “No!” quite well when you were two years old. After all, it's a two-year-old's job to say: “No!” Then you grow up and quickly become what they call a people pleaser. The word “No” simply dropped out of your vocabulary.

There is the misunderstanding that saying: “No” can cost a lot in one’s adult life so to be safe people try to keep others happy. They will say: “Sure, I’ll do it” or “No problem, I’ll take care of it” when deep down, they know they don’t have the time or they don’t really want to.

If you say: “Yes” when you want to say: “No”, you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you a lot of unnecessary energy and discomfort.

By saying “Yes”, may cause you to feel victimized and resentful that you have so much to do.

Here’s the secret: There is nothing wrong with saying: “No”, in fact it’s your right and a protective necessity. It allows you to define your priorities and to take control of your life.

By having the courage to say “No” to some things, you allow yourself the benefits of saying “Yes” to finer, more productive, more lasting activities and experiences.

Every person in your life (superior, colleague, staff, family and friends) expects his or her views to be heard and considered. Listen to the proposal even if you are familiar with it. Look into the person's eyes and shake your head as you say politely and with self-confidence: “No”. Don’t delay your “No” because by delaying, you allow people to think you will be saying yes and importantly, don’t apologize. Simply say: “No” after you have considered all aspects.

Explain why you have to say “No”. This will dismiss any miscommunication and clarify your stance as it is. You will also find that even though after considering and having to say no does not mean that you’re not helpful in any way. When in a pickle most people are desperate to find the fastest and best solution. By listening and talking an alternative solution can be explored and developed.

My advice to you is to practice to become familiar with the word “No”. Remember in many circumstances that “No” does not necessarily mean forever but only “No” not now.

Self-Knowledge is a Powerful Tool for a Life Filled with MAGIC

2012-01-23T09:08:00.005+02:00

In January 2012, the Stellenbosch University Business School hosted a three day Knowledge Management Conference to explore the role of knowledge in building a better society. I was honored to have been invited as a quest to former president; Thabo Mbeki’s opening speech on the critical importance of knowledge relevant to the process of governance.

During this speech he quoted the words of the former US Secretary of Defence, Donald Rumsfeld:

“We know, there are known knows: there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say there are some things [we know] we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

President Mbeki’s message that knowledge brings uplifting changes to any country was quite clear to everyone attending. Knowledge is power and can be transformed into a positive force changing lives and circumstances.

I know one thing, and that is, knowledge starts within every individual. This too is a knowledge we constantly need to be reminded of.

The first step involves, gaining a better understanding of yourself in essential areas that impact your life. The more you explore and understand yourself the greater your ability of having a magical life. Self-knowledge is the essential key for being more efficient, focused and more effective in any aspect of your life. You need to recognize both your strengths and weaknesses.

Here’s the secret: There is no magic wand or spell for gaining self-knowledge. You need to actively seek self-knowledge both within and outside yourself.

Here are a few tips and tricks to start doing just that.

Sit down and simply ponder your existence, examine your life to this point. Look for impactful experiences, relationships and persistent patterns.

The best way (however not always the easiest) to learn the truth about yourself is asking others, such as family, friends and co-workers, for feedback about who you are. What better mirror is there that best reflects your strengths and weaknesses than other people?

Outside resources such as my free weekly Mind Move on lifeismagical.co.za homepage or any articles, books and workshops, will provide you information, perspective and insight to stimulate self-knowledge. Keep in mind that the important lessons gained from life experiences is another resource of self-knowledge.

Plato’s formulation of knowledge is “justified true belief”.

Self-knowledge is a powerful tool for building the "infrastructure" necessary for having a life filled with magic. You deserve to be happy. Self-knowledge brings with it, the information you need to focus your time and energy on exactly what you want to experience in your personal life and professional career.

It's All About Attitude

2011-11-02T08:41:00.004+02:00

This post may be short BUT extremely effective and magical in your everyday life. It's about the greatest gift you have been given, your ATTITUDE.

Your attitude impacts every single thing that you do. People will react to you according to your attitude. Earl Nightingale said in his 1956 gold record recorded message, The Strangest Secret that our attitude towards our world, towards all the people in it, will determine the world's attitude and all the peoples' attitude toward us.

Your attitude is extremely contagious. With each casual contact, with each phone conversation, each e-mail message, it spreads.

Here's the secret: Every little thing you do makes a magical difference. Each action, each word you speak, each thought you think will in some way change things for you and your world.

It's MAGIC! NO! It's ATTITUDE!

Beat The Monday Blues

2011-10-14T11:12:00.000+02:00

Here is a magical tip for people who find that on the first working day of the week MONDAY, everything and everyone irritates them and they find it difficult to get going and start working.

Here's the Secret: I suggest starting your Monday on Friday. Yes! on Friday. Finish as many tasks as possible on Friday and set new achievable goals for Monday. Tidy up your office or workspace before leaving for the weekend. Enjoy your weekend but wind down on Sunday night. Rather read a book before you go to sleep.

On Monday morning get up early and greet yourself with a big smile in the mirror and keep that smile. Have a good exercise session even if you take your dog for an early walk. Tell yourself: What a wonderful morning. This is going to be a great and magical day. I promise you if you start your Monday with positive thoughts and actions you will come into the habit of changing your way of thinking with regards to that Monday Blue feeling. Do this NOT only on Mondays but every day of the week and you will come into the habit of changing your way of thinking resulting into a positive attitude every day.

The Hidden Treasure of Communication

2011-09-27T19:31:00.002+02:00

The biggest effort for most people according to me is – LISTENING. The bottom line is that unless you’re not concentrating solely on what is being said, you’re NOT listening. Think of this familiar saying: “The reason we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen more than we talk.”

The failure is not in people’s hearing, but in the ability to attend to what they hear. Of course, I know you are not one of those people but here is a magic secret to remember and value. The more you work at concentrating while listening, the more your powers of concentration will develop and the easier listening will become. The easier your listening is, the more successful you will become professionally and personally.

Most people are already preparing a response whilst the other person is talking. The risk in doing so is that vital information could get lost. Don’t you agree that most people tend to hear but not listen? The fact of the matter is that you should be more interested first in what the other person has to say.

Here’s the Secret: While your mouth may be silent, your body may be speaking volumes. Show the speaker you’re listening by facing him/her, nodding, smiling, keeping eye contact and leaning slightly forward showing you are interested in what is being said. Don’t break the magic by interrupting with a response until the speaker has finished or even worse, change the subject. Ensure that you really understand what the speaker is saying around his/her concept. Ask questions but remember never to judge ideas by the way they are delivered. Many people have GOOD ideas but can’t express them well. Listening is a sophisticated skill, which requires self-dissipline. Apply it every day and discover the unbelievable magic of keeping quiet and listening. You will be surprised how easy the flow of communication can really be.

A SECRET that will change your life!

2011-09-19T14:23:00.003+02:00

In today's fast paced world of technology and various communication devices, effective communication and interaction with our colleagues or customers is most important. What do we need to do to make sure we project a positive attitude and create extra ordinary results in our business?

Here's the Secret: Be assertive in your daily interaction with others. I repeat, be assertive in your daily interaction with others.

Assertiveness means to be transparent in our behaviour and in the process respecting the right of others. To start off, think of those negotiating processes you deal with every day, whether it be towards a resolution or interaction with customers. Be direct and clear in your statements without letting emotions such as nervousness or frustration side-track the goal of the communication. Take ownership of your statements. Offer a workable compromise so that the parties involved will agree and be satisfied with the outcome.

Criticism in giving and receiving feed-back also comes to play daily in your professional and personal life. To give feed-back you need to be fair and firm but compassionate. Use criticism constructively. Rather focus on corrective measures than to dwell on the mistake or problem. Here's a secret when receiving feed-back. Listen attentively and examine the information objectively rather than to turn to a defensive mode.

Assertiveness is an important skill that you need to develop and apply daily. The magic of being assertive is that you will easily get the cooperation from others in getting things done, creating an atmosphere of mutual respect and where people will be left with a trusted and comfortable feeling all round.

Use this week to focus on your assertiveness skill and see the magic of its power.

A tribute to a wonderful friend and family member, Stoffels

2009-02-01T17:02:00.021+02:00

During the years, Stoffels, my wife and I made many trips, but on

11 December 2007 was by far the hardest and longest trip. All the way to the vet's I held my beautiful white dog, a Maltese Poodle, Stoffels, praying that it wouldn’t be the last time as he stared up at me, almost saying.. "It will be OK". It was extremely difficult after almost 17 years together to realize it was my final goodbye. I remembered before he passed, I whispered to him…"Hey, Stoffies, I really, really love you and I will never, never, ever forget you." He licked my face and passed away in my arms at about 6:10 p.m.

Here’s the secret: Because of Stoffels, my wife and I entirely understand that it is not the size of our heads that count but the size of our hearts. We have learned the following magic about life from him.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
When you are happy, dance and wag your entire body
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to feel the ecstasy and purity
When it’s in your best interest – practice obedience
Eat the same food everyday & be grateful for it
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run romp and play daily, even if you getting older
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
Communicate without verbal langue
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
Be loyal, be a friend, treat everyone the same and don’t judge
Never pretend to be something you are not
Never stay angry, life is too short
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it
Always try to have a smile on your face, even if you have a bad day
Life Is Magical, enjoy every moment of it as if it’s your last treat
Have fun in everything you do otherwise what’s the point

Stoffels, we still badly miss your unbelievable presence and magic but you will always live in our harts. You were born a dog, died a gentleman and now running with the angels.